Breathlessly Broken

I asked,
you answered
i heard
disbelieving at first
not now you said
and so not now it will be.
come back.....maybe
come back....we'll see
come back eventually......
...the curtain...is it closed?
will it open?
will i see you?
will you see me?
was it real?
or make believe?
am i awake?
or am i dreaming?
you silence most painful,
cutting through like salted ice through my flesh.
no im lost,
blind in the dark.
deaf to the train wailing to move.
im hit
but im not dead
wounded,
alive
but in sorrowful regret
what would it have been.
why couldnt i be
the same you were for me?
what made your heart stray
takin away
from a path
i knew the way.
now ive tripped
ive fallen
you've taken the rains
head toward your callin
i have nowhere to go
no were to find
nowhere to knoe
nothing to do
but to lie here and...
die
death,
would it hurt this bad?
does it sting like this?
this twisted kiss
is it made to do this?
what happened
to you
to me
to us
can you see?
i cant see.
the darkness overwhelms me
its closing
no way out
no way through
no path to follow any more.
im off the track
heading for a cliff
i fall
i lose it all
all gone
turned to dust.
agony and pain, but numb


what to do,
what to think
im so up set,
im on the brink
im almost extinked
drowning
frowning
about to die
was it a lie?
i look up,
what do i see?
my fated death, smiling down on me.
life unlived,
but what lived, not life.
strife
here comes the pitch
it hits the glove
strike three im out
and now no more love
the croud cheers
but because i am leaving
not to be seen
consumed by loved
and love consumes me
im eaten in a hungry frenzy
strike three,
game over,
go home.
but no home to go to
no comfort
im stuck in my night mare
no one to wake me up
no way out
pain and suffering with no release
addicted to a pain that is love
love is a pain, and im captured by it
love is the nicatine that life has,but its effects are far worse
i miss the kiss
i miss her touch
her ear listening to my heart beat
the slow strong beat
of my beaten heart
beaten and broken
remade and still broke
piece by piece
falling apart
dying
crying
never new again
broken
- joshua caleb durham

Lost

i've lost the fight

the war is yours

i surrender my might

what i had is yours

and none gives me flight

from the troubles of your cluches

i have lost all in spite

of a love i felt for you

my heart split in two

nothing left to do"

Broken and Beaten

"past the point of no return

the wake nocks me off my boat

i cant remember how to swim

my life jacket seems not to float

disaster stricken

my life bitten

two peices of a broken heart

heart what is it?

what was it?

i dont knoe because i no longer have it,

ripped and torn

i cant find the beat

ripped and torn

im knocked off my feet

i've fallen under your spell

and you have bewitched me

left with nothing i fell

feeling numb

but hurting so

nothing here

will it grow

my heart anew?

ill never know,

its up to you.

2nd chance


A star was born Sep 19, 2002
A star wonderful and shining
But it has faded and on March 30, 2005
It exploded in an array of lights and sparks.

A new star has a chance to emerge,
a new chance, slate wiped clean,
a new star could appear,
A new star. A 2nd chance.

Not okay.


My love is stolen,
my heart is broken,
my dreams shattered.
And no matter what I say,
the truth is I'm not okay.

Why?!


If someone where to ask me what I was in it for I would say that that's hard to say.
I would instead tell them, that there was no reason for me not to be in it. No way to say I didn't love because it would be a lie. I was only living the truth.

The world would probably work if people said what they meant. But no, all people say what wants to be heard. They say what makes them cool. I make it my goal to do what I say and say what I mean.

Love is Black and White.

Love is
kind, grateful, patient, always there.
Love isn't
Kind, grateful, patient, always there.
My love is,
her love wasn't.
Love is life and death.

No reason.


No reason for life, no reason to go on.
No reason to love again, except for the hope that it will someday come back to me.
No reason.

Hunger.


My hunger unsolved by food,
my thirst not quinchable by water,
my heart stone, cold, only softened by her.

All this was taken from me on March 30, 2005. The only way to get it back is for her to give it back to me.

this blogger is for my writings and thoughts that i put in poetic form. They arent always good but they are from me.